The story moved at about 2 p.m. UAE time today. A major media breakthrough in the history of a benighted nation.

North Korea would televise its national team’s World Cup match vs. Portugal later that day, Pyongyang confirmed. It would be the first time the latter-day Hermit Kingdom had televised any match live from the World Cup.

So what happens?

Portugal 7, North Korea 0.

Yikes.

North Korea is a madhouse. As we have stipulated. Led by a madman (Kim Jong-il) who apparently claims to be in touch with the soccer team telepathically. Who pursues nuclear weapons when his people are starving. Who sinks a South Korean warship because he’s bored.

Anyway, the madman decides to let the sad people of his totalitarian regime see the soccer boys play. No bread, but a circus, maybe? And, too, North Korea had lost only 2-1 to Brazil and gotten some acclaim as an organized, cohesive side, off that one match. And Portugal isn’t as good as Brazil, right? So maybe North Korea wins, and the regime can take credit for it!

Then Portugal gets one in the first half. Hmm. Not quite the way the Dear Leader thought it would work out.

And then Portugal gets another. And another.  And another. And so forth, right up to 7-nil, the biggest blowout since … when?

You know things are going very, very badly when sports guys all over the planet are scrambling to find the records to look for “worst defeat, all-time.”

(Hungary 10, El Salvador 1, 1982 World Cup, by the way.)

But by that time (the checking-the-records time), I was confident North Korean television had been hit by “technical difficulties.” Screens went dark. Or maybe they don’t even bother to call it “technical difficulties” in Kim-Ville. They just pull the plug and the populace goes to bed without asking any questions.

Anyway, I am willing to bet money that North Korea absolutely did not show that whole match to the home folks. No way. It would run a bit counter to the official story of North Korea as a land of winners, etc.

Losing 7-0 to the decadent Portuguese … not part of the narrative.

Unfortunately, the down side to this almost certainly is … North Korea’s regime deciding it will never again televise anything live. And the population is back to waiting to see what pops up on its screen. A soccer match? A day or three later?

North Korea picked a bad match to televise. A game against Portugal when the Portuguese were only too glad to jack up their goal differential against an overmatched opponent.

Now,  I fear for the immediate fortune of the NK players. Will they all be beaten or starved when they get home? For failing the nation? Could happen. The place is a nut house … and the team just failed horribly … on live TV. Sigh.