We had a plane at 8:25 p.m. back to Abu Dhabi, which gave us far too much of a day to kill. Instead, we got more than a little done, which pleased us.

We began with something that seemed so pedestrian as to be almost a joke … only to find that the Basilica Cistern is one of the coolest sights in Istanbul’s historic Sultanahmet district.

OK, hole in the ground, water in it. Big deal, right?

It is when the hole was dug by the Byzantines about 1,400 years ago, is supported by 128 columns and was forgotten for a millennium or so — and still holds water.

The cistern was created to store water for the main public buildings of the city, but over the centuries it apparently was built over and forgotten about until some area residents talked about how they could find drinking water in their basements.

The area was excavated, and ta-da! there was this huge hole with a roof supported by all those classic columns, apparently scavenged from other building sites in the city. And for fun, two of the columns have bases on them with pictures of Medusa, leaving everyone to wonder “what is Medusa doing here?”

We went early, to avoid the crowds we had seen lining up there, and it was worth the 10 Turkish lira to enter and go 15 yards or so underground to the huge, dark, dripping room … with carp swimming about in a couple of feet of water. (The Romans, and their successors, certainly were geniuses when it came to the movement and storage of water.)

We then went in search of the Hippodrome, a place of significant historical importance in the long story of the city, a place for the masses and often the flash point for civil unrest. What confused me was that our guide book referred to it as if it were some area of ruins, rather than a paved over spot with a few lingering monuments that tell what once was there — a race course, essentially, with viewing stands around it. Think “the Ben-Hur racing scene,” and you’ve got it. A long, not-very-wide spot that you could run a chariot around.

I finally figured out where it was by staring at the map and by connecting references to obelisks with the two in front of my face, one of which is about 3,500 years old and came from Egypt and is in such good shape that it seems fake.

Rome also had a hippodrome, but it is known as the Circus Maximus.

Then it was back to the tiny hotel to check out. Can’t really recommend the New Albion Boutique Hotel. Close to the main sites, but our room was very tiny, and the TV didn’t work and the hot water in the shower stank. The water. It smelled bad. I hated even to think about how that happened.

In the early afternoon we each had a kefta sandwich, and then we found our way over to the Archaeological Museums near Topkapi Palace. I had been reading about them in the guide book, and the main structure definitely was worth seeing. More than a century ago, when the Turks still ruled most of the eastern Mediterranean, they discovered a funeral site in the seaside city of Sidon, in modern Lebanon, and they basically just picked up the whole mess and brought it to their capital city. The most interesting pieces are two friezes on funerary pieces which seem to be about Alexander the Great. Each of them still has a bit of the original paint on them.

We then did the Turkish bath. Kinda have to, don’t you? To see what it is about.

We gave ourselves a half-hour to get from Sultanahmet to the old bath house (known in Turkish as a Hamami) near Suleymaniye in the center of the peninsula, and we needed 50 minutes. The tram was packed beyond “crushing” and we gave that up, but then we didn’t see a cab until we had walked to the train station … and then the Istanbul traffic was so awful it took us a half hour to go about four miles, as the crow flies, about 7-8 creepin miles as the traffic crawls. At least we were suitably tense when we arrived.

The place allegedly was put up in the 1560s by Istanbul’s greatest architect, guy by the name of Mimar Sinan, and used by emperors, including Suleiman the Magnificent. (Wonder if he gave himself his name.) Anyway, it looked and felt old. Things worked, but the stuff in there, and the building … not put up yesterday, which is fun to consider.

Once we arrived, late, apologized, handed over our TL160 (about $105) for the two of us … we changed out of our clothes and into little towels, and were shown back to the heated bath area. Where it was seriously hot. I have never actually been a fan of sitting in wet heat, but when in the New Rome …

We sat on a huge piece of marble that was radiating heat. It was about 102 Fahrenheit in there, but seemed hotter because it was so wet. I felt like gills would have been nearly as useful as lungs. We were drenched in sweat in 15 minutes, and walked out of the sauna early, being unclear on what was supposed to happen.

Eventually, two young guys came in and directed us back into the hotter main room and, after dousing us with cooler water, scrubbed us down with rough brushes. To exfoliate, apparently. Not entirely pleasant. Then we shuffled over (on our wooden clogs; forgot to mention we were wearing those) and stretched out on marble tables to be rubbed down with soapy water and given a sort of rudimentary massage in the meantime. After lots more water, we were invited to go back on the big stone and sweat some more … which we did for about five minutes.

When we emerged from the hothouse, we were draped in more towels, including our heads, and allowed into the drying room … where we sat on leather couches and reclined and chilled. Literally. A kid came in to see if we wanted drinks; Leah had water; I had apple tea. After 20 minutes or so in there, as 7-8 other tourists came into to be steamed, we went out to our locked dressing cabinet and got our clothes back on.

So, the verdict? For the price, I would much rather have a real massage and zero heat. Or far less heat and far more massage. Basically, it was an aided bath, too hot, maybe good for me (sweating out all those toxins, etc.), but I would not call it fun. Leah, however, said her injured shoulder stopped aching while she was in there. So …

Then it was to the airport, and on the way there we really came to appreciate the horror of Instabul traffic, and realized that the narrow, winding streets of the oldest part of town are replicated miles and miles into the interior.

What Istanbul really needs (needed) is a Baron Haussmann, the man who (nearly) destroyed Paris in order to make it what it is today.  What he did, and what Istanbul certainly could stand, is someone with the vision to tear down most of the old, ratty, traffic-choked and inaccessible Istanbul Old City and put up some sensible streets, and lay out some parks (the city has almost none) — and leave the monuments alone. I know it wouldn’t be as easy: Paris is fairly flat, and Istanbul hardly ever is, but it couldn’t be worse than it is now.

In the end … I did not love the city. I’m glad I went. I saw how it seems western if you come from the east, and eastern if you have arrived from the west. It is certainly is a crossroads city with scads of significant history and many examples of it still standing, here and there.

It also remains fairly inexpensive, and its weather is outstanding in the spring and fall. We spent three nights on rooftop bars/restaurants, and the views are outstanding because so much of the city is built on hills with views of the surrounding bodies of water. (More photos here)

But it is difficult to negotiate, the natives do more than a little staring (especially at foreign women), the touts are ultra-aggressive and ubiquitous and several of the monuments are 1) falling down and 2) poorly marked/explained.  If I go back, it will be for the weather, and because it’s “only” a 4.5-hour plane ride from Abu Dhabi, and I’m not sure that is enough to recommend a city.