The Abu Dhabi Triathlon went off today, and it was the usual brutally long swim/bike/run. Well, not quite “the usual”, because the “big kids” version of the event includes a 200km bike ride — which is 20km more than the usual “Ironman” distance.

In addition to the 3km swim and 20km run.

The winner trotted home in six hours and 41 minutes. Of nonstop exertion.

No thanks.

I would not have attempted that even when I was young and spry. In fact, I can think of 10 less-than-attractive pastimes I would choose ahead of the Abu Dhabi Triathlon.

Counting down backwards:

10. Attend every Oakland Raiders 2013 home game.

9. Empty a septic tank.

8. Climb Mount Kilimanjaro — the tallest mountain random idiots decide to walk up.

7. Work an eight-hour shift in a dog-grooming shop.

6. Sail the Seven Seas with Captain Ned of the Raging Queen.

5. Go “vegan” for a week.

4. Eat four Krispy Kreme donuts in two minutes. (See recent post.)

3. Read the National Enquirer from cover to cover.

2. Watch Heaven’s Gate, Ishtar and Gigli back to back to back.

1. Fly US Airways (or any American airline not named JetBlue) from Abu Dhabi to Los Angeles … and back.