I’ve thought this before. Many times. But not a few minutes before I was ready to do some blogging.
If I had a nickel for every time Vin Scully has said, “the deuces are wild!” …
Heck, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard it in real time, with my own ears …
Well, let’s do some calculations.
But let’s back up for a moment. First, let’s explain “deuces wild” to people who don’t play cards. In the game of poker, in particular, all the 2s (deuces) in the deck can be designated “wild” — which means they can be used, in play, as any card of any suit. Sometimes one-eyed jacks are announced to be wild. But it tends to be “deuces wild” more than anything else. That is, Vinny must have played poker at some point in his life.
He tends to announce “the deuces are wild” almost any chance he gets. The ultimate “deuces” moment would be a 2-and-2 count, with two outs, two on, two runs in, a 2-2 score, in the second inning, with a number 22 pitcher to a number 22 batter.
But Vinny doesn’t need nearly that many deuces to pronounce them wild. A 2-and-2 count with two runners on is enough for Vinny to announce, yes, those deuces are getting out of control. “Wild,” actually.
He said it at least once today. And I heard only about three innings of the game. Which means there is a fairly good chance he said it at least twice.
Vinny is in his 60th season doing the Dodgers. Let’s be conservative and say he has said “deuces wild” once per game for most of 60 seasons. OK, but baseball seasons were only 154 games until 1962 (in the National League) … and he hasn’t done Dodgers road games against Central or East division teams for about a decade, now, which takes his recent game total down to about 110 games …
But let’s add in another 75 games for playoffs and World Series, which he used to do for networks … and that almost certainly is low.
So, let’s say 150 games for 60 years … which is 9,000 games. And if we go with one “deuces wild” and a nickel per … that’s $450. And if Vinny said it twice per game — and it’s possible — then you’re up to $900.
That’s serious money. That’s a down payment on a car. That’s a decent vacation.
And remember, a lot of those nickels were racked up when nickels were actually worth something.
Now, for how many times I’ve heard it in real time with my own ears … let’s say it’s 25 percent of the total. That’s anywhere from $112.50 to $225. Again, real money.
Now, the expression. It really is the only truly trite announcement that Vinny indulges himself in. Really. I can’t think of another. He has pet phrases, sure, but some are self-invented, or they’re references to famous authors. They aren’t trite.
I’m sure Vinny knows he uses “the deuces are wild” all the time. He is too self-aware. But he apparently has decided it’s OK. Maybe it amuses him. Maybe he believes it conveys a situation in just a few words. Maybe he does it to prove he isn’t up to pure invention every inning of every day.
Or maybe it’s meant ironically, and it’s his own little joke. “Yeah, I use this ‘deuces’ thing all the time, but I’m going to keep using it until someone is going to stop me, and who’s going to stop me? Exactly!”
So, yes … “deuces wild” and Vinny. Joined at the lip.
But as many times as I’ve heard it … maybe I should have asked for a dime per usage. Or a dollar, even.
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