I feel as if I have entered a time machine and been transported back to, like, 1975. Back when the rights to broadcast big sports events routinely fell into the hands of small-minded dopes with bad business models …

Who would decide the best way to make money on the deal was to sell it only to outlets that would pay a hefty fee for it, which could then limit access and make their own rules for who got in …

That is, not on any sort of television. Only this internal system. A closed-circuit system. With closed being the operative word.

That’s how things happened fairly regularly, back in the Bad Old Days. Particularly with heavyweight championship boxing matches. Muhammad Ali probably still holds the record for “most closed-circuit broadcast appearances.” Ali was on closed-circuit so often it ought to be his backup nickname, after “The Greatest.” Imagine Michael Buffer announcing this: “And in the white corner, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Muhammad “Closed Circuit” Ali!”

This ancient, disgusting, revolting method of “broadcasting” an event was, we thought, dead. But, clearly, it has been exhumed from the cheap coffin in a Potter’s  Field where we thought we had buried it — and driven a stake through its heart — some 30 years ago …

But now it’s back.

The United States vs. Honduras soccer match, Saturday night, one of the half-dozen most interesting World Cup soccer qualifying matches of the 70 or so to be played, around the world, over the next five days …

Is available only on closed-circuit TV. Which, remember, isn’t really TV at all. There is no internet work-around on this. No streaming bandit source you can tap into. If you want to see this match but can’t find (or afford) a closed-circuit outlet … you are screwed.

This is awful. This is a crime against humanity. Against modernity. Against all common sense. I am ticked, and I’m going to point some fingers.

First,  I’m incensed with the U.S. Soccer Federation that this happened.  Majorly.

Here is the USSF’s explanation, via link. And now here is the text, if you don’t want to go over there because you’re so angry with the federation that you don’t want to give them even one more page view at their site:

With every national team match, U.S. Soccer wants the television broadcast to reach the widest audience possible. However, the worldwide television rights to each CONCACAF World Cup qualifying match are the property of the hosting nation, meaning the hosting nation may distribute those rights at its discretion.

In regards to the U.S. Men’s National Team’s match against Honduras on October 10, the rights are owned by the Honduras federation, which chose to sell the U.S. television rights, in both English and Spanish, to a company which opted to broadcast via closed circuit feed only. As a result, the match will not be televised by any network or cable channel.

While U.S. Soccer would prefer the match be more accessible to fans, we have no broadcast rights in this instance. However, we still wish to assist our fans as much as possible in their efforts to view the match and support the team.

Below is a list of Official U.S. Soccer Bars that have confirmed they will be showing the match, along with a link to other establishments also showing the match. Please note that we will continue to update this list as we receive more information.

Fans will also be able to follow the match on ussoccer.com’s MatchTracker, as well as twitter.com/ussoccer.

We appreciate your understanding. Most of all, we value the continued support that means so much to our players as they attempt to complete the task of clinching a spot in the 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa.

This is baloney, to be polite. “It’s not our fault!” Say that with a whiny voice. “It’s not our fault!” Bull … Oney.

The U.S. federation ought to understand that its team as it a critical moment in its history. The game, and the team, is gaining real traction in the U.S. sports market. I now know regular folks who not only know about the team … but have serious, even violent opinions on it.  And some of them are over 30. This is new. This is important. This represents the edge of a significant breakthrough.

And at this point in time, making sure U.S. World Cup qualifying matches are available on fairly basic TV (little or nothing more exotic than ESPN2 or Fox’s regional sports channels) … ought to be Job 1 for the U.S. federation.

You MUST showcase your sport. You have to. It’s the difference between a million or two million viewers and maybe 100,000. At the least.  Maybe the gap is even more enormous.

In this case, the U.S. federation should have made its own side deal with whomever ended up with the rights to the game in Honduras. And paid whatever it took to get control, sell those rights back to ESPN or Fox or even Telemundo, and made sure this game could be seen by nearly everyone in the States.

Second, I’m ticked at ESPN and, to a lesser degree, Fox … for letting this happen.

ESPN likes to position itself as some sort of soccer backer/promoter, yet when it comes to this massively significant World Cup qualifier, it couldn’t be bothered to pay whatever price this Spanish company was setting for the event. If ESPN lost money on the deal, it still should have done it. And if ESPN was going to drop the ball, Fox should have jumped in to steal its thunder and run two weeks of promos about how FOX is now the clutch performer when it comes to U.S. national team soccer. Massive failure, by ESPN, and a huge missed opportunity by Fox.

I’m ticked at the Honduras soccer federation, which took some one-shot payoff while shutting out the rest of the world — including most of its own citizens. (Unless enough outlets have ponied up whatever extortionate rate the rights holders are charging bars and restaurants and theaters, in Honduras, so most of the nation’s fans — that is to say, 99 percent of the population — can see the match.)

(For more background on the idiots who are putting this on closed-circuit, check this NYT soccer blog entry.)

Anyway, this gets worse.

The dopes running this shakedown list exactly 36 sites in the entire United States where the game will be showed, via closed-circuit. Only four are in California. Only two are in the Los Angeles area. At least one of them is described as a small bar. Great. Grand.

(And how twisted is this? I’m not even going to mention the name of the place that is nearest to me because I’m afraid some of you might show up there and I won’t be able to get in. That’s wrong, that’s twisted.)

It isn’t much better for Spanish-language outlets. Here is that list, and it comes with this caveat, from me: The two outlets closest to where I live … do NOT plan to show the match. We actually called and asked. One of the proprietors said the closed-circuit people “want too much money” and his place will not be showing the match — although it remains on the list, linked above.

So call ahead.  And be prepared to have some basic Spanish-language skills. And don’t be surprised if they are not actually showing it.

Anyway, this is a disaster.  The United States could qualify for the 2010 World Cup on Saturday, with a victory. In an exotic setting. Against a quality side. Not that I think the Americans will win — Honduras is too good and is home — but it’s possible. Yet we cannot see it. In anno domini 2009.

This is unconscionable. This is horrible. It shows a complete lack of ambition and imagination and long-term marketing strategy by U.S. soccer,  by American TV, by Spanish-language TV. It is a disaster, and I won’t stop being ticked off about this for quite some time.