One of the great things about being old is that you need pay no attention to teen culture. Or to anything “the kids” are listening to. Or doing. Or wearing. That is, you don’t reject it … you ignore it. Blissfully.

Until you can’t.

Which is the case presented by a boy band named One Direction, which seems to be sucking all the oxygen out of the UAE.

The group often abbreviated to 1D (research!), is playing in Dubai on Saturday, April 4. And such a ruckus is being raised that even geriatrics have tumbled to the notion that something is afoot.

A total of 32,000 tickets were made available, and they were sold in something like minus-10 minutes, and a ticket allows patrons to stand on the grass of the Rugby Sevens Stadium. (Dubai has the world’s tallest building, but it still does not have a stadium of any significance.)

1D visiting apparently is a big deal. Our features section, at The National, more or less has lost its mind over this, even though probably nobody back there has bought boy band music in the 21st century.

(But studies have shown that 14-year-old girls are the greatest consumers of newspapers. Oh, wait …)

What else are we doing for the visit?

Start with the your complete guide to having the One Direction experience of a lifetime in Dubai page on the website. (Hydrate; eat a hearty meal before you go; consider standing next to the big screens rather than hopelessly pushing toward the stage.)

Then we have the daily 1D page, in the Arts & Life section. For instance, I’m looking at an A&L section with a feature on the “founder of the 1D Dubai Fan Project”.

(“I felt this pull and knew this was what was missing in my life. The boys were what I needed.” — Ananya Joshi, age 14)

We also have a sidebar on the food preferences of the 1D lads. Harry Styles (the one with the hat) likes organic guacamole; Liam Payne (the sensible one) loves chocolate and KFC original recipe; Niall Horan (the dull one) is a budding foodie who likes Chinese and Japanese); Louis Tomlinson (the funny one) loves cookie dough and Pizza Hut.

Perhaps the most prominent effort by The National? Five posters, one a day beginning today and continuing through Thursday, for each guy in the band. Including 1D ex-member Zayn Malik, who quit the band this month. (Collect ’em all!)

So, I assume the shtick is that 1D sings the usual syrupy, close-harmony stuff (though they may be in their “edgier” phase by now, four years into their careers), the stuff that slays girls of a certain age (13-15, maybe; meantime, the band guys are 21-24).

Their wiki page says: “Their fourth album Four (2014) was released on 17 November 2014. Payne once again claimed that the album would be ‘edgier’ … but the band was ‘not entirely ready to let go of its bubble-gum days’.”

Whatever they play, figure on lots of shrieking girls.

(Girls shrieking was big when I was a kid, too. The Beatles got a lot of that. Then they did the White Album.)

I imagine sociologists have done studies of girls in groups shrieking at boy bands. Kind of a rudimentary socialization with boys safely at a remove?

Dubai will be the 23rd concert of the 80-concert On the Road Again Tour. (Does Willie Nelson know?)

1D is expected to play less than two hours. Then the medical guys can come in and collect the girls who have fainted.