What’s hot in sports, right now, on the shores of the Arabian Gulf?

I knew you were dying to know. And that is where this list comes in.

This is a purely subjective list … based on following media coverage here in the United Arab Emirates, and on conversations with local residents (as well as observing what they are watching on television). And note: We are not in Kansas, anymore. Nor are we in London, quite, either.

Here we go:

10. Wayne Rooney is back already! The Manchester United star was thought to be out at least three weeks, but he started in a Champions League match vs. Bayern Munich. Both the Champions League and Manchester United are important here.

9. The Dubai World Cup. OK, it was last weekend, but we’re still talking about it. The biggest night in horse racing history (in terms of purses paid) at the new Cadillac of tracks — Meydan Racecourse in Dubai. A cool $10 million was paid out for just one race. Take that, Breeders Cup.

8.  Tiger Woods is back, playing the Masters this week. One of those stories of huge interest in the North American and European segments of the population, but not so huge among among Indians, Pakistanis, Filipinos … Which is why it’s down here at No. 8.

7. The Indian Professional (cricket) League. Anything about the IPL is big here. For instance, the Kolkata Knight Riders, owned in part by Khan, the Bollywood star, won their last match. Over the Kings XI Punjab. Didn’t know that? About 2 million Indians here did.

6. Butler almost does it! A half-court shot doesn’t drop, and Butler loses to Duke in the NCAA basketball tournament finals. Oh. Wait. We’re not in Kansas anymore. Right. Aside from a few North American expats, the greatest NCAA tournament in memory went unnoticed in Abu Dhabi. Hardly a ripple.

5. Barcelona! Barca gave up a goal to Arsenal last night then came back with four by Lionel Messi to win 4-1 and advance to the semifinals of the Champions League. Did we mention that foreign pro soccer is (much) bigger here than local pro soccer? I wondered who was bigger, locally, the Gunners or Barca … and I had that answered for me, walking home last night, when a cheer erupted from the Happy Yemen restaurant. Barca had just scored. Makes sense. Barcelona played here in December and won the Club World Cup. Hey, they’re local. And they’re better.

4. Bayern Munich eliminating Manchester United in the Champions League. This ranks ahead of Barcelona moving on over Arsenal (above) … because it happened tonight.

3. Lionel Messi. A guy who is the hottest soccer player in the world (four! goals against Arsenal in Barcelona’s victory) is someone we notice. Even among cricket fans.

2. UCF 112: Invincible. Will get bigger as the week goes on. The Ultimate Fighting Championship will be here in Abu Dhabi, on Saturday, for its first show in the Middle East. Abu Dhabi nows owns 10 percent of the UFC, by the way. Warm up the Octagon.

1. The looming wedding of Pakistani cricket star Shouib Malik to Indian tennis star Sania Mirza. Oh my goodness, this is huge. Two photogenic stars, from countries that are bitter rivals in, oh, everything … getting married? This is massive. And it gets better: A woman emerged this week to say she is already married to Malik. But he says he has divorced her, and now the wedding can go on. And they plan to live in Dubai, just up the road. We in Abu Dhabi love this story!