I may have mentioned that the biggest single population group in the UAE is Indians. They make up about 2 million of the 8 million permanent residents of the country and certainly influence the culture across a wide range of activity.

That means lots and lots of Indian restaurants in the country, and in Abu Dhabi … and that means the occasional shocking accident with some really, really spicy food.

Like, for example, my encounter with a green chili.

In my defense, I should note that … it looked just like a green bean. Same length. Same dark green color. Same wider-then-thinner look that we associate with the generally innocuous green bean.

I was trying to find some vegetable matter in our Indian take-out order. The rest was lamb korma and lamb vindaloo and cheese nan and rice. I had eaten a few bits of sliced pickled carrot from a garnish plate that had been included in our order, and knew I didn’t want any of the onion … but the “green beans” … sure.

Trouble was, that green-bean lookalike was a particularly intense chili, which I discovered to my horror after having chewed it a few times.

It felt as if I had swished burning oil around my mouth, and my tongue had been set on fire. It was a sensations of radiating heat — pain, actually — throughout my mouth. Continuing long after I had spit out the not-swallowed (thank goodness) heat bomb.

I tried water, even though I have heard that water is wrong for getting over spice shock. I tried chewing some more of the cheese nan. No relief. And now we’re talking five minutes of pain here. I felt like a cartoon character with smoke coming out of my ears.

Finally, I poured myself a glass of milk, and just held the liquid in my mouth. That provided some relief … which dissipated as soon as I had finished the milk. So I got more, and finally the pain began to fade.

And, of course, I was thinking, “Who eats this stuff on purpose?!?” How can it possibly be good for you? Even if I were starving I would never, ever eat that. Couldn’t something that profoundly spicy — probably the spiciest thing I have ever semi-eaten — cause actual physical damage?

A few hours later, I noted no lasting damage to my tongue. I will, however, never again eat a “green bean” from an Indian resto. That piece of wisdom has been seared into my brain.