We in Abu Dhabi, on the other side of the world, have been following the Saga of LeBron James. Riveting stuff, right? Where will the world’s greatest player never to have won a championship play next year? And does he have space left anywhere on his body (that isn’t his face) for a tattoo perhaps celebrating the decision?

I have done two stories on the topic in the pages of The National. Including one, this morning, in which I recapped the performances of the six clubs that were able to get audiences with The King. In a rail down the side of the page, we ran my rankings of those presentations. (Spoiler: I have the Clippers in last place; they seemed comfortable there.)

So, yes, this is a pretty big story … but the way it is being resolved is shameful, for LeBron James, and an outright humiliation to anyone at ESPN who considers himself a real journalist.

Perhaps you have heard by now that LeBron is going to reveal his decision on a special one-hour show on ESPN. Entitled “The Decision.”

Yes, I’m embarrassed for ESPN, too. Letting LeBron take over the network like that. Turning their programming into a really long infomercial. Providing ESPN hired help to sit and hold his hand and applaud at the right places.  (Michael Wilbon, what in the name of the Washington Post are you doing mixed up in this?)

Imagine how this went. LeBron’s “people” call ESPN, like, yesterday, and offer to be on the air with the “worldwide leader” when he reveals his decision. On Thursday.

ESPN: Cool! Great! Where shall we have the camera crew go?

LBJ’s People: Oh. No need for that. He will come to you.

ESPN: An announcement in studio? Wonderful.  Everyone will be so excited! So, shall we figure at the top of SportsCenter, maybe?

LBJ’s People: Well, actually …

ESPN: At the end of the hour? And we tease to it for an hour, with a picture of LeBron in a studio with someone shameless. Stuart Scott, maybe?

LBJ’s People: No, we want LeBron on camera from the top of the show. And for one full hour.

ESPN: OK, at the top, great! … Uh, one full hour?

LBJ’s People:  Yes.

ESPN: The whole hour?

LBJ’s People: Yes.

ESPN: LeBron on camera for all of SportsCenter.

LBJ’s People: You’ve got it. Bingo.

ESPN: Uh, we can do that …

LBJ’s People:  We thought so.

ESPN: Uh, what about commercials? What about the rest of the sports day? And what do we talk about for … an hour?

LBJ’s People: We’re thinking you can whip up some highlights. Maybe 20 minutes of them. But nothing from the 2007 NBA Finals or the Celtics series last May. The commercials … hey, you can give the money to a charity. Let’s say the Boys and Girls Clubs.

ESPN: Ohh-kay. … OK. And when does he spill the beans? Do you want, like, five or six baseball caps from the various teams? Or should we just drop the Clippers?

LBJ’s People: Well, LeBron is thinking of highlights up front. Some footage of the six teams coming to meet with him. Then he banters with Stuey for a while about the factors that go into the decision. Lots of stuff about his skill as a businessman and a world brand.

ESPN: We could do that …

LBJ’s People: Then maybe 45 minutes in, coming out of commercial, Stuey focuses his good eye (is it the left or the right? Oh, never mind) on LeBron and says something like, “Well, the time has come, and we turn now to The King to get it from the man himself.” Final 15 minutes are reaction shots and interviews from the lucky Cleveland team. I mean, the lucky team. I didn’t say Cleveland. I didn’t say he is staying with Cleveland. That was a slip of the Cavaliers. Tongue. A slip of the tongue. He could be going anywhere in the state of Ohio. I mean, anywhere.

ESPN: So, it will be a mystery up till the last minute. Interesting. Guess we will need reporters at the ready in all six cities …

LBJ’s People: Stuart Scott will be able to kiss LeBron’s ring, as you guys fade to black. Not a championship ring, of course. He doesn’t have one of those. But you know what we mean.

ESPN: Can do. Like the sound of this? Great concept. We will have the red carpet out at Bristol.

LBJ’s People: Of course you will.