Athletes need to give some thought to how they celebrate.

Things are getting out of control.Winners are losing all sense of decorum, all sense of style and proportionality.

So, a list of things I will not do when I win a big event:

10. I will not kiss the trophy. (Watch for this at Wimbledon this weekend.) Photographers apparently insist that athletes kiss a trophy, which is not a natural impulse. “I’ve got a trophy; I think I will kiss it.” No. Not even with camera guys begging me for a cliche shot.

9. I will not give in to photographers and bite my medal. Apparently this biting metal thing goes back 150 years or so, to when gold coins were still around, and by biting it/tasting it a person could tell if it were really gold. That has nothing to do with, say, an Olympic gold medal. It’s not like you’re going to melt it down and spend it.

8. I will not join a mob scene at home plate after a walkoff home run. It’s lame. It’s boring. And players can get hurt.

7. I am not going to take part in a rehearsed goal celebration in a soccer game.

6. I will not spike the football after a touchdown.

5.  At a slow moment, I will not stare into a TV camera and say,”Hi, mom!”

4. Not going to put the coach on my/our shoulders. I didn’t see him out there playing.

3. I will not circle the track while wearing my country’s flag at an international event. (So 20th century.)

2.  I will not do a rap video, after our big win.

1. And no champagne spraying. None. Unless it’s the cheapest hooch ever marketed as champagne (or even sparkling wine). I’m not going to waste it by pouring it over someone’s head.

The bottom line about celebrations? Be cool. Act like you’ve been there before. Even if you haven’t. Keep your head.