First, Yanks may be interested to know that “vitamin” is pronounced “VITTA-min” by the Brits. True story. Thinking about it, though, I have to concede (and this rarely happens) that their pronunciation makes more sense than ours. Why should that be a long “i” sound?

Another British pronunciation: “conTROVErsy” for controversy. Honest to goodness.

But I digress.

I feel like talking about vitamins. My vitamins. Here is what I take on a daily basis. Unless I forget.

–Centrum Silver. A multivitamin for old dudes, basically. (It’s labeled 50+ to help those slow to pick up on the “silver” description.) One of the claims on the label is this pill is “designed to support heart and eye health*” … and yes, it has an asterisk at the end of that, which takes you to the small print that reads: “This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.”

And what does my Centrum Silver claim to give me? 70 percent of the daily requirement for Vitamin A, 200 percent for Vitamin C and Vitamin E60 and 100 percent of Thiamin. And then a batch more things, including 1,667 percent of Vitamin B12. (Who knew I was ODing on B12?) And 67 percent of my Molybdenum, which I didn’t know we were supposed to be seeking out.

–Nature’s Bounty (brand) Fish Oil. “Promotes Heart and Vascular Health” it claims, and haven’t a batch of studies suggested fish oil is a good thing? Most of the contents are supposed to be Omega-3 … whatever. Oil.

–Cal-Mag, which contains calcium and magnesium and sells itself as good for “bones and teeth”. I still have most of each.

–And “Ginkgo Bilboa with Vinpocetine”. Ginkgo “can help mental clarity and memory retention.*” Yes, another asterisk at the end of that claim. “Research has shown …” I do know that improving memory is the main claim associated with gingko, so when I forget to take it, it always makes me laugh.

And I had no idea what vinpocetine was till I just now looked it up.

A few years ago, when going to a new doctor (new to me; he was an old person), he had me recite the vitamins/supplements I was taking, and the list probably was pretty similar to the one I just typed in.

He was openly contemptuous of the concept of vitamins, and regretted how “too many old people” spend too much money on them.

I remember him asking: “Why do you take these?”

And I said: “In case they work.”

It is not yet a money issue for me. I’m guessing that I spend less than $1 a day on the four pills, most of which I bought at Costco in Long Beach and humped over here to Abu Dhabi, and at the moment, I can afford it. When I get to the point where cat food is a dietary staple, I will reconsider some of this.

Anyway, it all could be quackery. Seem experts seem to believe that the body can’t really absorb all the stuff in vitamins (“stuff” being the scientific term), and they are a waste of time, money, space promoted by charlatans and snake-oil salesmen.

But I keep coming back to … “What if they work?”