What are we? The proverbial “red-headed stepchildren”?

We just went 26 days without an elite soccer game being played anywhere in the world.

It was on July 15 that France defeated Croatia 4-2 to win the 2018 World Cup.

And then planet soccer went cold turkey.

None of the big European leagues in action. No international games. For nearly four weeks!

How can this be?

When will the day of sweet, sweet release arrive? When will the prisoners be freed?

For nearly four weeks we were reduced to scrounging in electronic dumpsters looking for links to German games from 10, 15, 20 years ago.

Searching for exhibition games involving the big Euro clubs going through the motions in North America or the Far East. (At least we recognized a few of the players.)

Finding the random Major League Soccer match and being reminded why we never watch MLS.

Sent toggling desperately through the TV package (oh, the humanity!) and stumbling into tennis or golf or, yes, even cricket. Not that any of that is watchable.

Not like our soccer.

Finally, our day of redemption is at hand.

The Premier League, which claims to be the most popular sports league in the world, is back in action tonight.

And the long-awaited event includes Manchester United, Leicester City and Old Trafford, filled to the rafters.

Playing live at 9 p.m. Central European Time, 8 p.m. in London.

Yes, that is Jose Mourinho, United coach, in midseason scowling form. And there is Leicester, shock champions of the 2016 Premier League championship.

Now we are talking!

At least three more games on Saturday, for those who get the PL in their homes. (And doesn’t everyone?) And three more on Sunday, led by Liverpool v West Ham and Manchester City v Arsenal!

Our seemingly interminable, 26-day nightmare is over. The sun is shining and the demons are banished.

The return of the Premier League has hit us like the world’s most powerful air-conditioner as we walk in from the desert. We can smile again. Take a deep breath. Have a seat and be transported to England, where the lads are dashing madly from one end to the other.

We can heave a sigh of relief.