This is a hoot.

Apparently Matt Cleary got some attention in the States a week ago, when he live-blogged the San Francisco 49ers game with the Minnesota Vikings for a newspaper in Australia.

Why would Australia care?

Because a famous former rugby player from Australia named Jarryd Hayne has made the 49ers roster as a running back/punt returner, and Oz is very curious about this.

And a little amused at the myriad technical aspects of American football which, we should concede, feels like it is run by lawyers.

Here is Cleary’s live blog from the 49ers’ 43-18 loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers, and it is amusing as Cleary bestows nicknames left and right (“Benny R” is a prominent Pittsburgh player whose real name Cleary tired of typing) and is left confused by this or that NFL oddness.

Some of the best bits:

—On Hayne and politics in Oz, a different sort of full-contact sport. Still, the former Parramatta Eel man remains big news in the island continent of Australia. For American readers, viewers, e-people, Australia got a new prime minister the other day, fifth one in five years, you can just swap them, it’s quite a good thing, because the vast majority of Australia’s politicians, you wouldn’t feed them. Say one had a stroke and lapsed into coma, there’d be debate whether to revive him. Y’know, would reviving this great lump benefit Australia or not? And you know that saying, you want a friend in politics, get a dog? That wouldn’t apply to Australia’s politicians because dogs don’t like them either. In fact dogs would savage them. They would turn into wolves and channel their ancestors, the wolves of the sub-Arctic tundra, and savage them. And then they would eat them. And howl. Like wolves.

—On the home team. Pittsburgh? Not the flashest name for a burgh, my opinion, but a terrific town should you ever require a great big hunk of steel. If you wanted to build something, a bridge, say, or a very big boat, you would head directly to Pittsburgh, Steel City, for its very fine steel. It’s a top metal, steel. Top metal.

—Early game action. OK, Niners No. 39 whacks the Steelers running back, D’Angelo Someone. Quarterback Roe… oh man, that name. Roethlisberger, it’s going to be hard. Flags! They rain in. And the Steelers win some yards. Next play the QB tosses it into the dirt. Flags again. Penalties declined. There you go.

–OK, Niners ball, Kaepernick dishes to our man the Hayne Plane, I think. No, it was the great Carlos Hyde, Hero of Last Week. He scurries up guts. Next play, a loss of three yards as huge athletic people go at his ankles. That can’t be good for the ankles.

–Next play. And here come the flags. Defence No. 53, did something bad. Oh that’s old mate Navarro, an important man. He grabbed his counterpart around the waist briefly when he wasn’t allowed to.

–Kaepernick, he runs, he gets to the 43 with a bending run around the left side. A tall and rangy man, long legs on him. It’s another first down. Carlos Hyde again, they don’t mind going to their Go To Man, they don’t worry. Hyde … injured! He’s done a leg, something … which … oh – they’re showing the replay, a giant man flew into his knee, and buckled it sideways that has to hurt. Medical staff looking at him… And it’s Our Jarryd, making two positive scoots up the guts. Then he goes off and Carlos is back on. Wow. Tough knees. Bionic knees.

–Flags, I’ll have a crack why, false start … yes, something like it. Encroachment. Like a legal term, something in real estate.

–Penalty against the offense who were holding. Must be a lot of that, you wonder how they pick it out.

–Jimmy Tomasula, shades of Ron Jeremy about him, the Hedgehog, as the Niners, 3rd and a thousand away … flags, yellow flags, rain in. Defense being bad. Some sort of infraction by James Harrison. He does not look contrite.

–Benny R gives it to DeAngelo Williams … and he just bullocks his way over. Dominant little passage by the Steelers. They will kick this time. Flags. And Roethlisberger comes out. They’re going for a little touchdown-esque points thing. So many ways to score points. And there’s another two-point conversion! Wow. They are owning this puppy.

–OK. Jimmy Tomasula, will we see our man the Hayne Plane on kickoff return? We … no. It goes to the No. 63, a huge man. He wasn’t meant to get it. Jerod-Eddie, Tony. Man there’s some names in this National Football League.

–ROETHLISBERGER dummies to a middle man and flings the hamburger long into the End Zone where it’s caught by Darrius Heyward-Bay, brilliant stuff. Kicker man hits the post with his kick. Hooked it from in front. One job, kicker man.

–OK, Niners get a first down through No. 88, Selek, after Kaepernick dishes one over the top to the giant rangy man, you wonder how a man so big can keep himself upright much less run about playing footy. Niners on the 41. And …. STEELERS BALL! And they celebrate, leap about. Carlos Hyde, drops the ball and No. 50 falls on it and he’s a happy man, his team-mates embrace him, do that funny leaping chesty-bumps one, as if to say, Way to fall on that ball, man. Way to fall on that ball.

–Steelers. More yards. DeAngelo Williams, he’s doing plenty today. Huge thatch of mauve dreadlocks, the man has much confidence. … Two-minute warning. Whatever that is.

–Jim Tomasula pacing up and down like a bear, maybe a hedgehog. … And here comes Colin Kaepernick, the enigmatic Niners throwing man, he passes to Carlos Hyde, again. And then again. No, to Smith. Torrey Smith. And that’s a first down. No it’s not. It’s a third and 1. Do they get it? They do. But not before No. 23 goes boom. Whack. Big whack-action.

–Bradley Pinion, to punt. Antonio Brown signals Fair Catch. Not sure why, what advantage there is, you’d think you’d want to run and make some yards. But they’ve been doing this a while, the NFL. Hard to second guess em.

–That’s a nice little section by the Niners, and they’ve forced the Steelers to punt … IT’S AUSSIE TO AUSSIE … PUNT MAN Berry belts one to the Hayne Plane who catches, runs a couple yards and runs into a mobile wall of giant and physical human beings who all want to hurt him. Tip top stuff.

–But it’s no TD, baby, and the Steelers line of D-men celebrate like they’ve won the lottery. Big celebrations, big chest-thumping. I would suggest some exclamation of We da bomb, or We are really good, and you are not, Niners, take your silly offense away from here this is our house and you can’t come in you are like burglars, something like it.

–Oh – boom. Bell, has his bell rung. The tight end, catches a bullet from his QB and his belted in the back by Will Allen, one of the Steelers troupe of belters. And it’s Unnecessary Roughness, and Bell goes off to check if he still has kidneys,

–DeAngelo Williams makes very good yards, he can run like a hairy goat afire. Strong man, a nugget.

–Jarryd Hayne had two rushes for three yards, Jim “The Hedgehog” Tomasula preferring others today. Dunno why. But you’d think twice before second-guessing the Hedgehog, he could stare daggers at you for America.

The newspaper Cleary wrote for, The Guardian Australia, is the down under edition of the English newspaper.