I’m lifting this out of this morning’s editions of the Los Angeles Times. From their “letters” to the sports editor feature on page 3 of the sports section. Just have to share.

This is … inspired. I was thinking that if this guy can write stuff like this regularly (unless “Sal” is a woman) … he could be a published poet.

(I mean, assuming this is what passes for poetry, in modern times. I got through high school and college without taking a single poetry class, and it wasn’t by chance.)

Here it is:

“The lights are out, and the doors are closing.

“Feel the stench of that cigar.

“Go, most vulnerable, play with your children. Your wife has a lovely ring.

“Go, Spaniard, sip some sweet wine. No one will hurt you.

“Go, Clipper, puff your cares away. No more whistles to stop your rest.

“The machine is not running. Throw off the hairbands, let your locks flow freely.

“Zen Master, meditate deeply, nine times, and take the pain away from Buckner, Norman and the others. You have vanquished them. You are the stat. No balloons for you.

“The Jell-O has jiggled.”

Sal Lavina

Los Angeles

Bravo! Very nice. If this were the 1950s, and Sal were a “beat” poet … I’d be snapping my fingers in appreciation.

A bit of explanation, in case some of you aren’t rabid Lakers fans.

“The lights are out” … comes from Chick Hearn’s classic recitation of the process of a game being put into “the refrigerator” — when an outcome no longer is in doubt. (Chick’s entire “refrigerator” spiel is  included in this previous posting.)

“Feel the stench” refers to the annoying/disgusting habit of former Celtics coach Red Auerbach lighting up a victory cigar — while still on the bench. This hearkens back to the 1960s, when the Celtics defeated the Lakers in the NBA Finals six consecutive times.

“Go, most vulnerable” … is Kobe Bryant. Mocking his “most valuable” designation. And the “lovely ring” refers to the enormous bauble Kobe presented his wife after the rape charges came down against him, in Colorado, and he admitted to engaging in extramarital sex.

“Go, Spaniard” … clearly is Pau Gasol, who has looked wimpy and soft throughout the Finals, which brings the taunt, “No one will hurt you.”

“Go, Clipper, puff your cares away” … is about Lamar Odom, another Finals letdown … and one who was suspended by the NBA in 2001, while playing for the Clippers, for failing drug tests, and admitted to “experimenting” with marijuana.

“The machine is broken …” is Sasha Vujacic, self-dubbed “Machine” who went 1-for-9 in the the Game 4 debacle.

“Zen Master” is, of course, Phil Jackson, and the “Buckner” and “Norman” references are to epic individual sports chokers (World Series; Masters golf). “You are the stat” … puzzles me slightly. It may have a meaning other than the most obvious — that the Lakers’ blown 24-point lead in Game 4 now eclipses those other bad stats. Or does Phil say “you are the stat”? I mean, he could … And “no ballons for you” goes back to 1969, when the Lakers and Celtics met in Game 7 of the Finals, and Lakers owner Jack Kent Cooke ordered balloons placed in the rafters so they could descend during the postgame celebration — the one that never happened.

“The Jello-O has jiggled” is another reference to Chick’s colorful declaration that the result is ordained, even if the clock is still running.

Love, love, love that letter. Pretentious sports writers (and that’s just about all of us) really want to think we might be read by people who can put together a letter like that one.