I am editing sports copy tonight. I have been at The National in Abu Dhabi long enough to recognize that our newspaper is most interested in the British sports suite — which includes cricket, rugby, snooker and (I kid you not) darts.

But I have been through several particularly “inside snooker” sorts of stories tonight, and I would just like to share with North American readers the sort of prose I am supposed to understand and, perhaps, improve on.

Remember: This is real copy in a real newspaper.

“Who can forget the tied semi-final between Australia and South Africa in the 1999 World Cup that produced 426 runs and 20 wickets?” (Cricket) I must think of it at least once a week. My favorite tie, all-time.

“Wigan Warriors may be earning rave reviews for their try-scoring exploits in the Super League this season, but the former Melbourne Storm prop Jeff Lima said it is their defence which has made all the difference ahead of their trip to Hull FC.” (Rugby) Try-scoring exploits … reminds me of the Colts without Peyton Manning.

“Fast bowlers get early breakthroughs, batsmen score a few runs and then spinners join in the action. India’s most all-round surface has produced classics such as the drawn India-Sri Lanka Test of 1997 and the hosts’ unlikely win over Australia in the 2004 dead rubber.” (Cricket) Usually, a dead rubber is just a nuisance.

“People are saying the group is easy, but nothing is easy in snooker.” (Snooker) How many times have I said the exact same thing?

“Francis Coquelin and Abou Diaby both returned to full training this week.” (Soccer) How can a guy named Abou Diaby not be the official mascot of Abu Dhabi?

“What we aim for is around 30 runs per wicket. We changed our preparation techniques in the lead-up to these Tests, and a characteristic change made deliberately by us by understanding our previous match.” (Cricket) Gotcha.

“The Abu Dhabi police officer believes this is the toughest field at the Asian Championship in eight years because of the presence of competitors like the Indian duo of Mehta and Pankaj Advani, who has won seven world titles in snooker and billiards.” (Snooker) Household names, those guys.

“With the Spanish maestro in the side, Arsenal have won 76 per cent of their Premier League games. Without him, the percentage drops to zero.” (Soccer) Can’t play soccer without a Spanish maestro; everyone knows that.