A story in The National today told of a student in Dubai who, with some accomplices, stole two baboons and four marmosets from a farm in Dubai.

What should be done with a guy like that?

Laugh at him. Or maybe call a paramedic.

Thing about baboons and marmosets? They are demanding and potentially dangerous.

Especially the baboon.

This site gives scads of reasons why baboons are bad pets, but one of them is enough to make clear stealing a baboon a really bad idea: “They are able to inflict severe injuries to humans.”

Nuff said. Let’s move on.

Marmosets? Also a bad idea. Special diet, social issues, fighting to sort out dominance issues with fewllow marmosets.

And, finally?

“You home will smell of the strong musky odour of marmosets (they scent-mark their surroundings) and furniture and fixtures may suffer damage.”

So, the animals might have a value of $1,400 or so, here in the UAE, where lots of people think keeping exotic animals in the back yard is a good idea.

Ultimately, leading around a baboon and some marmosets will make it easy to catch the monkey-napper.

He will be the guy with ugly defensive wounds from where the baboon bit him, and will smell like old socks.

The thief already has been punished.