We should have a new journalism catchphrase. Similar to “if it bleeds, it leads” and “the definition of news is man bites dog …”

The new one?

“A monkey makes every story better.”

Take, for instance, our latest sensational True Crime story here in the UAE.

Under the web headline: “Man walking pet monkey kills neighbor over barmaid feud, Dubai court told”.

Exactly.

Without the monkey, it’s just a tawdry tale of a couple of Emirati guys involved in a love triangle. (Even when you factor in the “under the influence of drugs” part which we couldn’t quite cram into the already long web headline.)

With the monkey, it’s a rare and bizarre story desperate to be told. And read.

It raises questions such as:

–Who knew monkeys needed to be walked?

–Or do they not really need to be walked … and the one guy just decided that his monkey needed to be walked? Or maybe it seemed a good idea to a guy under the influence of drugs?

–What sort of monkey was it? I’m sure our reporter asked, and the authorities could not or would not say. But I want to know. A capuchin? Like Marcel on Friends? I’ve heard they are nasty.

–Did the example of the monkey — an animal which probably does more nose-biting than does your average human — inspire his “master” during the fight? I don’t suppose we can blame the monkey for pouring sand down the other guy’s throat; that’s not monkey business as we know it.

–How did the monkey react to the fight? Like a dog might, did he want to get involved on his master’s side? Or are monkeys bright enough to stay the hell away from guys fighting over a barmaid?

Anyway, that story led The National’s website in hits for most of a week. As well it should.

We do seem to have more than our share of monkey stories. It was only a few months ago that we had the monkey-hidden-in-pants crime story.

But that was smuggling. And it was a small monkey. Which begs the question, do monkeys you can smuggle in your pants really need to be walked? Seems like they would get exercise aplenty just running around the house. So the monkey in the story … a bigger monkey? On a leash?

Anyway, it is the power of the monkey — which reminds me of the Rally Monkey — that makes the story a must-read.

In the past few days, editors at the 4 p.m. news meeting have taken to calling, yes, for “more stories with monkeys.”

It was inevitable.

As even cub reporters know: “A monkey makes every story better.”