*-Written from the apartment in Abu Dhabi, where the weather today was sunny and in the low 80s.

As usual, we will do this as a reverse countdown, “Late Show with David Letterman” style.

10. Baguette fatigue.

9. Decided that a bottle of red wine per day could potentially present me with long-term health issues … though at the end of a night I could never remember what issues, exactly.

8. Gaining an inferiority complex. Even the little kids in Paris can speak French.

7. How many times can you look at the Eiffel Tower blinking at night, on the hour, before you get sick of it?

6. Too much standing water. (For UAE residents only.)

5. Was getting dangerously close to liking foie gras.

4. American cheese almost impossible to find.

3. Not nearly enough hummus in that town.

2. Tired of watching Nicolas Sarkozy and Angela Merkel (known in France as Merkozy; no really) flirt shamelessly during bank-crisis talks.

And the No. 1 reason to leave Paris:

1. Charm, sophistication and beauty are overrated.