Does this work? Really? People get jobs using these methods?

Every day, here at The National in Abu Dhabi, we get unsolicited resumes (CVs, in the British parlance) from people who have no idea to whom they are sending them. Often, they are littered with typos and misspellings.

We get engineers asking to match them to a “suitable job” — at a newspaper. Or flight attendants asking to be hired in marketing.

And the pitches are so vague, and the verbiage so empty, that it leaves you almost contemptuous of the person sending them. Which sometimes mellows to feelings of pity.

I wonder if this is a sort of scam — job-seekers paying someone with a lot of email addresses who just shotguns this information out there … where it is instantly deleted, day after day.

Here is one we got today:

Dear Sir/Madam

º  B.E. (Computer Science Engineering) with hands on experience of 20 months in Business Development, Business Analysis and Account Management.

º  A highly motivated, confident account manager with exceptional multi-tasking and organizational skills.

º  Having extensive experience of identifying the needs of corporate customers and of running and delivering sales and marketing campaigns for key clients.

º  Working closely with the client requirement and research on the revolving technologies and service offering.

º  An effective communicator with excellent relationship management skills and strong analytical, decision-making, problem solving & organisational abilities.

My core strengths include, but not limited to the following:

• Customer Relationship Management
• Infrastructure Management
• Solution selling
• Competitive Analysis
• Business Development
• Market Analysis
• Relationship Management
• Vendor Management.

Work Experience:
Company: Urolime Technologies, India
Designation: Sales Consultant
Duration: Since Oct’11 to July’13

Key Deliverables:

• Matching the customer’s needs to the right product.
• Willing to approach customers and able to close a sale.
• Working as part of the sales team providing excellent customer service.
• Occasionally negotiating with customers on price.
• Dealing with customer complaints and resolving their concerns.
• Building a great rapport with customers.
• Sharing best practice ideas with other colleagues.
• Adherence to all Company policies and procedures.
• Maintaining very high merchandising standards.
• Analyzing sales statistics and determining sales potential & inventory requirements.

Significant Highlights:

Dexterously handled:

Major clients, such as Kunnel Constructions, Kerala Tours N Travels, Kent Constructions etc.

Education & Credentials

• B.E. (Computer Science Engineering) from CSI College of Engineering (affiliated to Anna University), Ooty, Tamil Nadu in 2011. (Secured 61%)
• XII from St. Antony’s HSS (Kerala Board), Thrissur, Kerala in 2007. (Secured 76%)
• X from Don Bosco School (SSLC Board), Mannuthy, Kerala in 2005. (Secured 82%)

OTHER INFORMATION: 
Visa Status: Visit Visa
Languages known: English, Hindi.

I hereby declare that all the information given above is true to the best of my knowledge.

Yours sincerely,

Random person who will not get hired.

That last line was mine.

It’s just strange. The U.S. equivalent would be someone who wants to work in marketing sending resumes to ever Fortune 500 company in the U.S., with a “to whom it may concern” at the top.

Maybe it works, one time in a thousand. Hard to imagine, though.