A sneaky/lousy thing that gmail does … is jam a one-line advertisement along the very top of your “inbox.”

I don’t notice most of them, I must admit. The 21st century homo sapiens has become quite adept at allowing ads to blow past him without any imprint on his gray matter. But this one caught my eye, or tickled my fancy, or triggered my gag reflex.

Spam quiche!

And it was being communicated to me via inhouse gmail … spam. The junk mail named after the junk food! Oh, the irony!

I have never eaten Spam, or SPAM as Hormel, maker of the product, prefers it to be known, but in an age of slightly higher awareness of what is in our food, I had become aware that Spam is among the worst things you can eat. Unless, perhaps you’re near starvation and just need a lot of fat in your diet right this minute.

It is fair to say that “Spam” has become a sort of nutritional shorthand for “something really awful you can eat but really shouldn’t … ever.” Ahead or actually behind (I tend to believe) hot dogs, sausages, bacon, KFC Original …

So to see Spam paired with quiche, the traditional French egg-based pie which (in English, anyway), connotes class and refinement, also was jarring. In a way equal parts amusing and horrifying.

The idea of Spam quiche … well, here’s the gmail-supplied recipe if you want to be tres chic and way downmarket at the same time. I suppose some college kids, who revel in irony, could even host a brunch based around Spam quiche.

Worse, I fear that some tubby people with bad eating habits (like, say, the Polynesians renown for eating Spam) decide Spam quiche is a way of dressing up a gelatinous mess that is 41 percent fat … and go ahead and bake up a big batch of it.

Luckily for everyone in the UAE with poor diets (and this country has the second-highest rate of Type 2 diabetes in the world), Spam is nearly nonexistent here, because it is made of various bits of pork — which is haram (forbidden) in Islam.

Meantime, thanks a lot, gmail/google … for trying to force Spam spam down our throats.
At the least you could put up a second link — to a heart surgeon.