Most native English speakers believe they speak un-accented English.

It is everyone else who has an accent. Poor things.

For all but the least self-aware, however, comes the eventual realization that … we all have accents. The only determination left to make is what fraction of other English speakers will have trouble understanding you.

In my case, surprisingly many.

I’m no linguist, but I’ve decided I have what I prefer to call “the Beach Boys accent”.

If you have heard a Beach Boys recording of a song with a driving beat … that is pretty much how I sound.

In the linked song, “Shut Down”,  is the construction “I’m a’ridin’ the clutch” — or “I am riding the clutch”.

The Beach Boys accent, common among Southern California anglos and pretty much summed up by the Beach Boys canon, has a slightly whiny, nasal sound to it, but what really identifies it is a pronounced tendency to cut words short (usally at the end, but sometimes at the start, such as “’em” for “them”) and to jam together several words in fairly abominable contractions.

“Whatcha” for “what are you” … “gonna” for “going to” … “comonawanna” for “come on, I want to” … and so on.

No gerund is pronounced to the “g”. We’re always clippin’ those off.

The ethos of it is a sort of casual laziness while speaking. Syllables dropped, hybrid contractions created.

I first noticed I was doing this during job interviews. What is fine among neighborhood kids … does not necessarily translate to those speaking properly.

In the newsroom of The National, here i the UAE, a country which has “native” English speakers from India, Pakistan, Australia, England, Ireland, Scotland and the U.S. … the potential for not understanding your co-worker is very high.

Apparently, particularly when I am involved in the conversation.

I once asked a couple of co-workers which of two Americans were harder to understand — the guy with the Florida panhandle Southern twang, or the guy with the Beach Boys accent.

I was surprised and appalled that both of them said the guy from Dixie was easier for them to understand.

Just the other day, I had conversations with a couple of Scots, and I missed entire chunks of what they said. (Over the phone is significantly worse.) Presumably, they have the same problem with me.

It can be mentally draining, here, to speak English. With all the accents. Including mine.