Remember when Paris Hilton seemed to be on the cover of every U.S. magazine, while also getting a mention in every episode of Entertainment Tonight?

But we haven’t heard much about her of late, have we?

(Or maybe it’s just those of us on the other side of the world.)

Well, whatever happened to …?

She was in Dubai over the weekend!

First, let’s get the catty stuff out of the way.

Paris is 33 now, and looks it. Sorry. It’s true. She is no longer young.

Face a little puffy. Rounder. Looks like she wears industrial levels of makeup.

It happens. Even to women (and men) who … what is it she does, exactly?

Is “socialite” a full-time job?

(And did she invent the “sex tape as career move” thing? Or was that Kim Kardashian? Oops. Looks like it night have been Rob Lowe, and it appears to have hurt his career for a moment. How quaint! Anyway, Paris’s sex tape, inevitably known as 1 Night in Paris, came out in 2003 and Kim’s appears to have been “leaked” in 2007. So there!)

Paris appears to have been in Dubai for what our British-inflected features section inevitably described as a “whirlwind visit” (the only kind of visit people like Paris make) … to serve as a pop accessory for a new restaurant, apparently called “Cle Dubai”.

Which had (of course) a “glitzy opening bash” (and sports writers are accused of slinging jargon?), which she attended. As well as younger sister Nicky, a mere child of 31.

So, what does Paris have to say? (Is she the one who was known for seeing something and, without a twitch in a deadpan face, and without moving her lips announce “that’s hot …” in a very bored voice?)

Well, Paris apparently loves everything about Dubai.

She wants to, like, live in Dubai.

“The other day I was looking out at the view, seeing all these incredible buildings and thinking, ‘I wish I could find a place here.'”

A million places to live in Dubai, and apparently she can’t find one.

“I love it. I think it’s such a cool place to come to. It’s special. It has a great energy. I love the people. There’s so much going on.”

Whoa. Slow down. Too many deep social insights there, Paris. Let us process, please.

Turns out, and how convenient is this, the Hilton girls love cuisine from this part of the world.  (And Emirati food is pretty much Lebanese food, FYI.)

“It’s literally my favorite food,” Nicky said. (Where did she come from? Oh, yeah, from shopping for a gown and clutch bags at Studio 8 Fashion in the Dubai Mall.)

“Me too!” Paris said — meaning she likes Lebanese, though it could also apply to buying clutch bags. “When we grew up, every Thursday night we would have Lebanese and Middle Eastern food, our whole life!”

(OK, some of those exclamation points are mine.)

Paris has been to Dubai before, of course. A professional socialite has to have been there by now.

Paris did a reality TV show here in 2009, apparently, entitled Paris Hilton’s Dubai BFF in which contestants went through a series of challenges ahead of being named her “best friend forever”.

And how is Paris’s Dubai BFF?

“I talked to her, like, a year ago,” Paris said of a Kuwaiti woman named Reem Al Alnezi. “She’s a very nice person, but when you’re meeting someone through a reality show, it’s kind of …”

“Fake?” interjected our colleague.

“I’m a businesswoman,” Paris said. “It was, like, a free commercial for my handbag line, my fragrances, my makeup line … so I thought of it as a business deal. It wasn’t like I’m looking for friends on TV.”

And to think, I thought the whole of it was for reals!

Huh.

So, Paris is working hard at partying; someone has to do it; part of the “socialite” job description.

“I live one of the most exciting lives in the world. I get paid to have fun.”

Ah, fun. That what it is.